Brand New Day #2: Thoroughly More Interesting

It’s another brand new day in Cape Town and things are going dandy. Until the dinosaurs come back riding bicycles and hobos patrol the streets. And that’s all before lunch.

Brand New Day #2:

  • Was dreaming
  • Woke up screaming when I discovered that I hadn’t been turned into a dinosaur
  • Rationalised that being dinosaur wasn’t too practical
  • Ate breakfast
  • Went downstairs for a morning cycle
  • Was glad I hadn’t been turned into a dinosaur on a bicycle
  • Rode down the street
  • Was laughed at by an old man
  • Laughed back at him telling him I wasn’t a dinosaur
  • Made it back to my house without getting lost
  • Went upstairs
  • Put on some pants
  • Went back downstairs
  • Checked for seagulls
  • Safely confirmed the absence of seagulls
  • Went to the shops
  • Watched a fat lady talk to herself
  • Guessed she was probably insane
  • Found out she wasn’t insane
  • I just couldn’t see her phone
  • Went inside the shop
  • Bought some stuff
  • Got hungry
  • Ate a flapjack
  • It was a good flapjack
  • It tasted fruity
  • It might have had strawberries on it
  • It was probably a strawberry flapjack
  • Went outside again
  • Stumbled over a Chinese hobo
  • Was shocked and disbelieved
  • Took a picture of him to send to my friends
  • Discovered the hobo was watching me
  • Scrambled to make an excuse and told him I was a reporter for Homeless Anonymous
  • He just smiled and told me to “qù nǐde”
  • Discovered I’d just met a friendly Chinese Hobo
  • Took a picture of the two of us together and went home
  • Translated “qù nǐde”
  • Discovered it meant “Fuck Off”
  • Severely regretted giving him my milkshake and telling him the story about the time I bought my grandmother a sheep by accident
  • Recounted the time I bought my grandmother a sheep by accident
  • Laughed out loud
  • It was a funny story
  • Discovered my shoelace was untied
  • Went downstairs to my shoelace stool to tie my shoelaces
  • Forgot to mention I own a shoelace stool
  • It’s a very nice little stool
  • It’s got a seat and everything
  • In fact, it’s probably the best shoelace stool in the whole world
  • In fact it’s on a whole other scale
  • This is how good it is:
  • Think of a number between 1 and 17
  • Multiply that number by 3
  • Add 15
  • Times by 20
  • Subtract 2
  • Add 5
  • Multiply by 2
  • Forget all those numbers
  • Now think of an amazing shoelace stool
  • That’s how amazing it was
  • Went and made lunch
  • Had a peanut butter and jam sandwich
  • Switched on the microwave
  • Stopped it a 00:01
  • Reckoned I’d make a good bomb defuser
  • Got a knock at the door
  • Went downstairs
  • Discovered a real reporter from the Homeless Anonymous
  • Discovered I was in trouble for impersonation
  • Realised I had forgotten to check for seagulls
  • Got shat on by a seagull
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One thought on “Brand New Day #2: Thoroughly More Interesting

  1. Pingback: Personal Relations | insertmyfeed

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