Oh, why it’s you, Mr Rex…

Nebraska.

It’s a place. In America somewhere.

An official signpost.

Other than it having a cool name I know absolutely nothing of the place… But it obviously isn’t very exciting if you’re driven to change your name to Mr Tyrannosaurus Rex just to spice up your life.

That’s what Tyler Gold, now officially Mr Tyrannosaurus Rex Joesph Gold, did on Monday, 7th May. He changed his name because it was “cooler” and more recognisable for his business.

Mr Tyrannosaurus Rex might have the name of a registered sex offender but he’s an entrepreneur and to get his goods into the meat mittens of society he’s gotta make a splash, right?

Of course there are many other ways to get costumer’s attention and get people to remember you and to buy your products, so I’ve taken the liberty of coming up with a list for you. So here’s the TOP 5 THINGS TO DO TO GET PEOPLE’S ATTENTION (AND MONEY) WITHOUT BECOMING A DINOSAUR:

Number One:

Promote your business.

It doesn’t matter if you’re selling mismatching socks or curry so hot it’ll burn you from north to south, you need to get your business known. And no matter how many flyers you leave on car windows or Yellow Pages ads you publish there is no way to get someone’s attention like a half naked lady handing them things.

A classic example of smart advertising.

Thinking like this is a sure way to get your business known and keep the customers coming. To keep the customers in the shop make sure your cashiers are just as flashy – and fleshy – as your advertisers.

Number Two:

Give away free sh*t.

Whether it’s a couple of samples, a bunch of coupons or a gold plated, money-pooping goose, people like free stuff. So stuffing their hands full of it will only make them remember you. It’s important to note that this is expensive so if you run out of money at this stage just steal some of the money you know Grandma hides under her mattress. Don’t feel guilty, she’s probably already forgotten where the bedroom is anyway.

Always answer;   “Yes Nana.”

Number Three:

Use lots of big words.

The state of education has severely dropped in the past few years. With money burning teenagers pretending not to be smoking around every corner it’s only right to put a couple of cool pictures, an explosion and a naked lady with words they don’t know, for them to gobble up your products.

Shopping for deals…

Number Four:

Moving adverts.

I recent trend has emerged where people are putting advertising material on park benches. This is kind of a waste because no one pays any attention to it at all. Until you get creative.

Creativity, however, always requires glue.

Fifteen minutes and one quick sit down later.

It’s never impolite to stare.

Now you have dynamic adverts that patrol the cityscape promoting your wares. It’s a pleasure.

Number Five:

Like sheep.

People generally take an interest in something that a lot of other people like. This is because there’s some primordial part of you that wants to have what everybody else is having.

So to make it look like your business is the sh*t go around your local neighbourhood and pay off as many kids ranging from thirteen up until they stop taking your money, to walk around the city talking as loud as they can about your shop.

Then have as many of them at once all flock to your store screaming about how awesome it is.

People will notice and be attracted to your store. After all if thirty full grown people are pushing and shoving to get there first, it must have something good…

There were too many frames to draw here so here’a picture of what sheep look like:

They’re not very smart.

This has been theTOP 5 THINGS TO DO TO GET PEOPLE’S ATTENTION (AND MONEY) WITHOUT BECOMING A DINOSAUR, proving that being known as Mr Rex – or That-Sex-Pedo-Guy if you’re a kid and say it to your parents funny after coming back from playing at his house – is not the only way to have your business become well known and prosperous.

For more please follow me on Twitter @Voidjumper or become my stalker.

Hello Worlding

They wanted me to say something. Those ugly people at WordPress.

They wanted me to say something for my first entry. Something about blogs having words or something absurd like that.

I sat down to write but found nothing came. Probably because I was too busy oogling over all the glossy buttons and bursting with excitement.

Clawing at my face. In excitement of course.

Clawing at my face. In excitement of course.

Admittedly I made a few squeaks and a couple of whines although I’m not sure how to spell those so here’s a picture of a dog whining:

It says it right there.

First posts have a tendency to be excruciatingly hard to write and mindnumbingly boring to read so I’ll just wrap it up right after this series of awesome numbers: 9PR4V2T9GWS4 !!!

Never fear, more will be coming.

Definitely not Aunt Miriam.

For more please, please, please follow me on Twitter @Voidjumper

Or not. Whatever.