Aaand… AFRICA.

Here’s a fun fact. I live in Africa. For those of you who don’t know you’re currently on the internet. This might come as a surprise to some. Well, not that you’re on the internet, but more so the fact I am.

Yes, as I said Africa.

Here’s another fun fact, Africa is a continent. Yes, a continent. as in, THERE ARE MANY COUNTRIES IN AFRICA. In fact there are 56. That’s 53 countries more than there are in North America. Also Africa is bigger than America. By a lot.

If you, for instance, lived in San Diego, California what are the chances you know a guy named Fred in New York?

About this many:








So why am I expected to know Obusangwe from Kenya if I live in South Africa? Which, co-incidently, is further from Kenya than San Diego is from New York.

Also, for people who only can make sense of these squiggles if they’re accompanied by paintingsquares, here’s some pictures of where I live:

Cape Town 1

Cape Town 3

Cape Town 4In case you weren’t paying close, scrutinising attention to my beautiful paintingsquares I tirelessly spent five seconds scouring the interwebs for, here are a couple of things that DON’T appear in these pictures:

1) Lions.

I am one hundred percent sure there is a total of exactly no lions of any form here. In fact, the only lion you’d probably see on a semi-regular basis is one of the supporters of the eponymically named rugby team.

For a quick stats update, South Africa currently has only 1700 lions. Most of those are found in zoos or game reserves and national parks.

Also, those pictures showed neither elephants, cheetahs, rhinos or ostriches.

2) Huts.

Sure, in many rural areas of South Africa huts are still built in a traditional fashion. Strangely, as you may have noticed, none are to be found here. 

3) Dustbowls.

Absolutely zero places in these pictures depict a starving dustbowl filled of malnutritioned children with bloated stomachs with flies swarming on their faces.

4) People eating sticks, dancing around fire or discovering the wheel.

America might think it’s the best thing since sliced bread and invented everything there ever was to be invented but in no way is Africa a backwater jungle where tribes people struggle to come to grips with the harsh reality that, sadly, we moved out of the Ice Age and descended into the land of sapience.


Here are a few things you might have noted ARE included in the pictures:

1) Lights.

That’s right! Africa does understand the sparky marvel of electricity! Somehow, obviously only under the grace of God, Edison’s invention of the lightbulb reached us. This might have been because European settlers colonised South Africa in 1652 only 87 years after Spanish settlers first set up camp at St. Augustine, USA in 1565. To put that in perspective, the Titanic sank a longer ago than the time difference between settlements in the US of A and the R of SA.


2) Skyscrapers.

Yes those are concrete people sausages. Yes we have them to. Yes, we do call this wonderful thing ‘civilisation.’


  • Cellphones, check!
  • Computers, check!
  • Internet, check!
  • Cinemas, check!
  • The entire 21st century, check!

4) Places to stick your sick bod.

We have hospitals. In fact some of them are the best in the world. First open heart surgery? Guess where that happened?

APS pain therapy. Guess where that was invented?

Alban Cormack. Invented the CAT Scan. Guess where he was born?


To wrap this up, putting everything in some nice context for you, here are some pictures of  our friend ‘Murika! Also, I might have snuck some other pictures in:

Uh… I don’t know how this got in here…


As usual, for African Education, polyhypotheticaldrivesyncracies and general nonsensery you can follow me on Twitter @Voidjumper or like the Facebook page The Official | insertmyfeed.