I have a surprise for you.
It’s quite fantastic.
I’ve been meaning to show you.
It’s been waiting for ages…
Actually, I like Ages better…
Y’know what? Eons…
So it’s been waiting for ages…
It’s a grand surprise.
One of those: “OMG Imma be done killin’ dat them seagulls!” types of surprises.
Or maybe more of a: “OMG Josh is amazing! He’s like so handsome and sexy and smart! Oh and BTW that surprise was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” type of surprise.
I think it’s gonna be like that.
It probably is.
Just like how your sister probably wasn’t pregnant before she went to meet that backalley doctor.
Just like that.
So anyway, you know this is going to be amazing.
I can hear that buzzing in your ears from here.
That heart-stopping pulse of adrenaline…
That maddening flux of unparalleled excitement rushing through your veins with the fury and intensity of a thousand dying suns…
It’s that great.
Like, like, like, Bacon more.
And then some.
So it’s amazing.
So amazing, in fact, that I’ve been told by the diplomatic leaders of several prominent countries that it has desecrated their entire population of Triangle People.
While this is traumatic for some, others must be warned to prepare yourselves for the utter awesomeness that lies ahead.
(To be properly safe and legally correct, take a quick second to check out this safety guide and user manual for the forthcoming awesomeness: )
The Official Safety Guide And Instruction Set For Handling Of Mindholeblowing Products
– Rated R
- Please insure you are wearing the correct safety gear. This includes, but is not limited to, safety gloves, protective helmets, correct eyewear, earmuffs, blue socks and seagull protecting lithiospheres.
- Please ensure that all bodily extremities are tucked in and and away from the edge.
- Please make sure that you strap yourselves in as the awesomeness level is currently unprecedented and is known to raise the risk of having a stroke by 43%.
- To prevent any bodily harm, please remove the blue socks you were previously told to put on. These were ridiculous and in no way improve safety and security when viewing the awesomeness.
It needs to be said, before any legal matters arise, that you view the following at your own risk and neither insertmyfeed nor I are, in any form or way, responsible for the outcome of your viewing experience.
So stand back.
And get ready.
Coz here it comes.
Comes and comes and comes with all the amazingness and all the epicness and all the wholeheartedmindholeblowingness that you’ve been expecting!
So watch out world!
Shield your eyes!